If you haven’t read Part I, check it out :3
Previously on How I Met Your Mother The Sleep-Fun Dilemma,
Late-night talks are fun.
But, past a certain time threshold, the fun diminishes and harm sets in.
The goal is to replace late-night talks with good talks that don’t sacrifice good sleep.
After some trial and error, I found three paths lying ahead of me.
Ready for a deep dive? Let’s go.
🌄 Path A: Morning Walk-and-Talk
I talked to Leni a few weeks after our last conversation. I told her that, instead of late-night talks, we could do them in the early mornings. That means no talk sessions at night — we would do our work, go to bed, and wake up early the next day for a walk-and-talk in the park.
Remember how every choice comes at a cost? The same applies here. Before trying, I knew it would be different because the vibes wouldn’t be the same.
Unlike the hustles of daylight, where life demands you to go, go and go, evenings are when time slows. Quiet and soothing — perfect for a lovely heart-to-heart.
However, I believed we could still get returns in terms of joy — just a different kind of joy from a different kind of vibe. We wouldn’t get physically exhausted. Rather, we would have rested well enough to enjoy the session. Our day wouldn’t be wasted, and we would feel better having started the day well with good people around.
The greatest bit? We would remember much of it. I didn’t foresee any way that could override the fun. It would be a memory worth writing in a diary and a moment worth reminiscing in the future.
At least, that was the theory.
For a few days, we tried. Did it work? Well, it felt different. While the “not tired” and “worth remembering” benefits are there, it was different in that it couldn’t entirely replace a late-night talk. As another member of our “late-night talk” group said,
We just talked about random, shallow things. #notdeepenough
If I must say, mornings symbolize beginnings. It is synonymous with planning and analyzing with the rational mind. Meanwhile, evenings symbolize endings. It is when your thoughts slow and you reflect on things from your heart and listen to words that come into your heart.
Conclusion: This is not good enough.
🛑 Path B: Controlled Night Talk
This deals with the concern in Path A. It is like late-night talks but done under controlled conditions. Here is how it works.
Declare the intention. This is key because you don’t want to get swept around by the flow of events (or vibes), and subconsciously go past the time threshold. Have fun, intentionally.
Decide the start and end times. Before starting, finish the go-to-bed prep (shower, brush teeth, etc.) to reduce the friction of ending the session later.
Set one or two alarm(s) to signify the end. For instance, the first alarm can be the soft threshold, while the second can be the hard threshold.
We tried this for the first time last week. Remember the graph for the Law of Diminishing Returns? It is real! One big finding was,
Any time before 1 a.m. yields positive returns.
Any time between 1 and 2 a.m. yields diminishing returns.
Any time past 2 a.m. yields negative returns.
Between 1 and 2 a.m., you start to feel tired and the conversation slowly turns shallow. Past 2 a.m., you just don’t know what you’re talking about. Even if you do, and even if it was fun, you likely couldn’t remember it.
Seriously,
Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.
Here are some other findings:
🪨 Easy to start, hard to end
In Part I, I mentioned the comfort of coming home from university and just chilling on the couch. This is more attractive than showering and brushing your teeth — a key step before starting the controlled night talk.
In other words, you may skip this step and just start the session. The problem is that it becomes harder to end the talk because continuing is now more attractive than showering and brushing your teeth. Friction.
🙌 It takes group commitment to end
If everyone ignores the end time, it will turn into the late-night talk we are trying to avoid.
📉 The later you begin, the less effective it is
Imagine working on your assignment. It’s midnight and you finally got it done. You want to reward yourself by revenge procrastination because sleep isn't the most attractive reward, but having a night talk is.
So you chose Path B: declare the intention, decide the start and end times, and set the alarms. If an hour of fun is enough, that’s good. But what if it isn’t? You might postpone the end time until it is past the threshold and voila — the usual late-night talk.
Conclusion: The sample size is limited. Need more testing.
🌌 Path C: Night Walk-and-Talk
I like this the most.
Like Path B, it has the same benefits as late-night talk. Yet unlike Path B, it solves the first obstacle. Here's how it works:
Declare the intention.
Decide the start and end times.
Set one or two alarm(s) to signify the end.
It’s literally Path B. But what makes it different is you don’t get ready to bed first. Instead, you reach home and go for a walk naturally.
Why does it work? Because it obeys all the Four Laws of Behavior Change. James Clear must be proud.
It is obvious. We usually come home after dinner feeling full. That is the cue.
It is attractive. Talking > showering + brushing teeth
It is easy. How hard can it be? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It is satisfying. A talk session is satisfying in itself.
Hang on. Am I a little biased here? Isn’t a “lying-on-the-couch-and-talk” more attractive, easy, and satisfying?
Indeed, it is. But their difference is negligible. The cue — feeling full after dinner — combined with a little push from your prefrontal cortex, a walk-and-talk will always win.
Nevertheless, it has its flaws.
🙌 It still takes group commitment to end
It’s easy to end the walk itself, as you will get tired after some time. But what stops us from returning from the walk and continuing on the couch? A group commitment, like with Path B.
📉 The later you begin, the less effective it is
Same as with Path B.
⛈️ If it rains…
You can’t do it.
Conclusion: It is the best overall path.
⛰️ A struggle towards the heights
Even if something is good, it’ll be bad if you do it too much. —Leni
It would be great if Path C was the solution. But in real life, circumstances will change and your approach must change, too. That's the Goldilocks Principle (I love citing this shit) — a continuous search for the middle way via trial and error.
Sometimes, Path C is better. But sometimes, everyone would feel so tired that going to bed early for Path A — a morning walk-and-talk — is better. When it rains, Path B — a controlled night talk — is better.
Heck, even disregarding all the paths and staying up until sunrise is sometimes better. I hate to agree with this. But, if your best friend is leaving overseas soon and won't come back for a year, talking to him/her late into the night is worthwhile.
Balance.
It's about the search for it while acknowledging that a permanent balance may never be reached — it is forever changing. This may sound pointless, but the search itself is still worthwhile. As my favorite philosopher once wrote,
The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.
—Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays
Let's keep trying.
—Thomas🦙
P.S.
Well, well, well. Look at my alter ego overestimating himself. I missed the Sunday deadline for a second time. Ouch. Noted down the lessons here.
🏆 Weekly Gold
Each week, I share something I found interesting with you. It could be a song, a book, a quote, or a YouTube video that blew my mind.
Here’s the gold this week 👇
I tried its image generation (Magic Media) for the first time. It amazed me. I could even “magically” edit the image. The 2nd guy in the illustration for Path B was wearing a green outer shirt. I used the Magic Edit and — *boom* — it turned into the blue you saw earlier. Crazy.
Other credits:
The Myth of Sisyphus by Alex Gendler on TED-Ed
Is life meaningless? And other absurd questions by Nina Medvinskaya on TED-Ed