In a particularly stressful situation at work, I asked my boss how he could be so calm. His response was, "Someday, someone you love is going to die. Then you'll realize that none of this matters".
That hit me like a load of bricks.
—A Reddit user
I remember talking to a friend some time ago. She was stressed out because — in less than ten days — we would be sitting for three exams all in five days, and neither of us was prepared for it.
“This semester hasn’t been great for me,” she said.
This wasn’t new to her nor many of us. It has almost always been “chilling in the early days of a semester, then preparing for the assessments under the immense pressure of time and the inadequacy of it”. It is just that this time is the worst of all, somehow.
Back in secondary school, I probably felt the same. My first ever experience with stress happened in my first year. At that time, I wasn’t taught how to deal with it. Neither were the people around me, because being told that it was all in the mind and all I needed to do was to flick a switch and be normal again didn’t help.
I struggled to sleep, shit (stop laughing pls), eat, socialize, and do many things that were once considered easy. Yet somehow overthinking felt easier. Now that I think about it, even if anyone wanted to help, they couldn’t. It was really something only I could face and — with time — overcome.
For three years, the stressful days had come and gone, but they gradually died down when I entered my fourth year. None of the exams since then — as far as I could remember — was stress-inducing, at least not at the same level as before.
But, as I got closer to my graduation exam — the most important one as they said, I felt anxious and insecure, a little like the old days. However, I also noticed something then.
I decided that the exam would be the only thing I would care about.
I didn’t worry about what would come after leaving school. All I knew was to do my best for the tests and forget about the rest. On one hand, this was the right move. It’s better to worry less so you can focus more.
But if you look at it today, it feels strange. It was as if the final exams were all that mattered back then. As if life doesn’t go beyond graduation. As if on the day I’d take my last paper, I wouldn’t know the answer to “What’s next?”.
I guess my friend felt the same way too.
🌳 Losing the forest for the trees
The day I wrote this story, I was having a bad time. Many things felt wrong as if all the minor inconveniences in life decided to join force and strike on the same day.
But it reminded me of the conversation with my friend. Of the times when I experienced self-imposed stress and other negative emotions due to the events in life. And of the times when I believed the problems I was facing were “the biggest, end-of-the-world” problems.
Like my friend, I had a tunnel vision.
One time I felt unnecessarily anxious, an old friend of mine said that the emotions we feel are what make us human. And I shouldn’t trivialize them and beat myself up for feeling a certain way. I still agreed with it today, but I would like to think that,
While we can’t choose how we feel about the events in life, we can choose how we respond to them.
Perhaps, getting out of the tunnel is the first step.
👣 A step back to see the forest
Somebody once told me that — when we look back years later — the overwhelming final-year engineering design project and other challenges we’d face in university would become insignificant, so much that we would wonder why we took them so seriously back then.
Chances are “the biggest, end-of-the-world” problems we’re facing now aren’t really “the biggest, end-of-the-world” on a huge timescale. What does that tell us? If you reverse it, it means
If you view life on a huge timescale, you may see that many problems and inconveniences you thought were “the biggest, end-of-the-world” don’t really matter.
As much as I’d love to, the fact that bad things have happened to us could not be denied. Our feelings, albeit negative; our memories, albeit bittersweet — could never be denied.
But that’s okay.
Just because they don’t really matter on a huge timescale doesn’t mean you should disregard them. Rather, you embrace them as a part of life which ultimately pale compared to other more meaningful parts of life. The point is, don’t let the bad days overshadow all the good ones you had, the people, and the things you hold dear.
And that’s not everything.
When I take a step back to see the big picture, part of the feeling I often get is the insignificance of the inconveniences and problems I’m facing. The other part?
Excitement.
Excitement about what the future may bring — the book I’m reading tonight, the trip with the boys soon, the virtually endless possibilities of what I could achieve and experience in life, and the stories I could live well to tell well.
Both feelings of insignificance and excitement are what give me the courage to go on. Even if what I’m going through still seems like "the biggest, end-of-the-world” now. Even if it’s hard to imagine someone you love passes away, and that none of this really matters — until it happens.
I wonder what it’s like to be stuck in the tunnel, desperately trailing forward and forward, even when forward isn’t where we want to go.
That must feel so terrible.
🍪
—Thomas
P.S.
I’m glad I took a break. As much as I love writing, it is difficult to do it all the time, especially when I’m struggling with a bad lifestyle. Writing this has been a great reminder for me — to take a step back regularly and see the bigger picture, and if where I’m heading is where I want to be.
🥇 Weekly Gold
Each week, I share one thing I found interesting with you. It could be a song, a book, a quote, or a YouTube video that blew my mind.
Here’s the gold this week 👇
Listening to this reminds me of my time in A-Level. I often had it on late at night, either when walking outside or in my room. There’s a unique feeling I can’t describe.
Credit:
Cover photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash