Even if you run away. Even if you stop. Don’t avert your eyes from the fact that you’ve run away; you’ve stopped. If you forget it, you won’t be able to move on as I do.
—Cadet, Ori of the Dragon Chain
I remember reading this part in Ori of the Dragon Chain, a fantasy novel written by Cadet. To this day, I still can’t grasp what it means, but writing this letter has helped a little.
🚀 The escape
If my last 7-day dopamine detox was a success, then the past 7 days or so would be a reversal of what had been done.
To tell the story, let me bring you back to May 9th, the night on which I decided to stay in my dorm than work outdoors. It was an “arrogant” choice, for overestimating my will to not fall again into the waste-man pit.
Everything went south.
Living alone means there is no lack of temptations pulling you away from where you want to be. With a full laundry basket, dishes to be cleaned, and 18 hours of daily screen time, it was another vicious cycle of losing myself and feeling bad when it ended. Even if I wanted to come back earlier, I’d be too sleep-deprived — as usual — to do so.
One manga led to another.
One day wasted came another.
While staying alone means more risks of a wasted life, I realized they hardly matter.
If there isn’t something I’m running away from, it’s hard to be distracted by a YouTube video or a manga chapter.
Don’t you agree?
This time, it was an escape from the pain of getting back on track with my studies as the season of finals began. For every time I’d run away in the past, the pain became greater and my will to hold on turned more vulnerable.
Well, that’s a story for another day.
🏔️ The lesson
As a living being, many things could go wrong if what you’re escaping from is living itself. The longer you’re away from the present, the control and the reality, the harder it is for you to return and regain everything.
Time is fair. It doesn’t stop running just because you, of all people, choose to run away from playing the game of life.
Even after coming out of a vicious rut, it isn’t too much to say that you’d have probably lost something or someone you could never get back. That’s why,
It may feel comfortable to escape from the now and here, but, in the end, you’ll still have to come back and face an even harsher reality one way or another. So, why run?
Of course, there have always been people who give up living without giving up life. Even though they’re born with unfair advantages just like everybody else, they still choose to keep running away and let life happen to them.
At this point, I guess I’ve understood Cadet's writing.
For those who’d chosen the bliss of ignorance, escaping became a concept that ceased to exist.
When you deny the fact that you’re actually running away from reality, the new life you’ve escaped to becomes your new "reality".
It would be a world where time has stopped for you; one where you’ve chosen to die at 25 but aren’t buried until 75.
And in this world, you can’t move on.
Because there is no need to.
—Thomas