On Stress and Interacting with People
What a stressful week in life taught me.
I wrote this on a whim two weeks ago. Like every diary entry, it captured my thoughts and feelings that may only be true at that time. Many things have happened since then, so I don’t necessarily agree with some of what I wrote then, now.
But, still, it’s a great story to tell.
Here we go.
*The diary entry starts here.
🪨 “This week has been gruelling.”
At the time of writing (15 April), I completed two exams on Monday and Wednesday, each contributing 20% to a 20-credit module. And now, I have a lab report (10% of another 20-credit module) due tomorrow, a field trip (80% of another 20-credit module) to prepare for, and this week's story to tell.
Damn. What have I gotten myself into?
It is a situation no sane person wants to be in. And no sane person would start by writing this week's story first, considering the urgency of the lab report and the importance of the field trip preparation. No sane person.
And so I did.
I started writing this week's story yesterday (Friday). There had been many ideas captured beforehand that I could work on.
But my self-imposed pressure of wanting to write as well as — if not better than — last time made it harder to write as well as — if not better than — last time.
How ironic.
Listening to The Wisp Sings helped to get me into the flow. But, amidst writing, I encountered an issue related to the field trip preparation. It could’ve been prevented had I worked on it beforehand. I didn’t foresee this, so I had to put writing aside to deal with it. Didn’t feel good.
While debugging the problem, I realized that things sometimes don’t work out because one person was doing most of the work. In university, there are four different types of teammates you may face when working on a group project.
“Black shit”
Unreachable, uncooperative, and radioactive (adversely affects other people). Produces subpar work because he/she can’t be arsed.
“Gray shit”
Wants to contribute, but doesn’t produce work good enough to be dependable. Cannot be blamed for his/her incompetency, because there is a desire to contribute and some degree of effort put in.
“Good shit”
The teammate you want to have.
“Superman”
Does most of the work due to trust issues etc.
I had 1, 2 and 4. But surely, having a “Superman” teammate should be a great thing, shouldn’t it? It means you can confidently leave the difficult work to him/her, so why am I still struggling?
🦸 Because I am that “Superman”
I’ve begun to acknowledge that having to team up with difficult people is alright. Because it forces you to learn how to deal with them regardless, but, more than anything, you also discover what is wrong with you.
Yeah, the fact that one person is doing most of the work and the thinking shows that something is wrong with others. However, it also implies that something has to be done in the way how that one person — the de facto leader — leads.
Having to take up most of the work, be it voluntarily or forced, shows an incapability to designate tasks and work with others. Even if there are separations of roles, the “Superman” will tend to ensure that everything goes well, either by refining or redoing. As a result,
The group with a “Superman” will often be too reliant on that one person, and will thus cease to function well when that one person falls.
🌧️ But I was more worried about something else
It has been a gruelling week. I noticed how much it has affected me (or I have allowed it to affect me) as I remember declining to entertain a family member whom I only meet face-to-face two to three times a year. I talked coldly and acted as if it was that member’s fault for what I was going through.
Why?
Because I was so desperate to get the work done. It pained me when I think about it now as what I was doing was imposing my negative emotions from other events in life on the people around me, even when it wasn’t their fault.
So, I changed my approach a little. Rather than talking coldly and directing the negative emotions (hatred, disappointment, anxiety, etc.) to them, I put those feelings aside in our interactions. Even when I’m in the middle of work, I try to pause and give my undivided attention when they come to talk to me.
Because it’s not fair to treat someone badly just because you’re going through a hard time. Don’t you agree?
*The diary entry ends here.
🪴 Afterthought
This diary entry has many things in it, but the meat (core message) lies in the final part about the interaction with my family.
As I wrote in my last story, we often perceive life on a narrow timescale, exaggerating the significance of insignificant things, and forgetting that some people and things matter more in life. Even as I said it’s unfair to impose your negative emotions on others, it’s not easy to prevent that. But, the fact that you’re trying is something to be glad about.
Have a cookie 🍪
—Thomas
P.S.
I didn’t get to publish for two weeks due to work and other things that got in the way. It makes me wonder if weekly publishing has been a great idea. Anyway, thanks for still staying with me!
🥇 Weekly Gold
Each week, I share one thing I found interesting with you. It could be a song, a book, a quote, or a YouTube video that blew my mind.
Here’s the gold this week 👇
Credit:
cover photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash