On Feng Shui and Being Honest
What a phone call with Mother taught me.
Last week was heavy, so let’s take it easy today.
Like the previous essay, this has been a draft for a while. I've had second thoughts before publishing it, mainly because it lies on the fine line between a story worth telling and a meaningless broadcast about my life. The latter is what we’re trying to avoid.
And I found it weird — why would anyone want to read this? How would someone benefit from this story?
But I guess the world is big enough.
What is obvious to one can be amazing to others.
So, let’s begin.
🏠 An extra factor to consider
I
Last night, I had a call with my mother. We talked about something you wouldn't expect an engineering student and a parent who sent her kid to study engineering at university would talk about — Feng Shui 风水.
Let's see. How shall I explain this?
Feng Shui is a kind of metaphysics thing that deals with the influence your environment has on you. It's akin to interpersonal relationships we often talk about, but rather than "interpersonal", i.e., between people, it's between you and the (meta)physical world around you.
Living in a house with bad Feng Shui will make you suffer, while one with good Feng Shui may bring you good fortune. For instance, your bedroom entrance shouldn't face the window directly, or else your fortune will just come and go easily. Your study desk can't be opposite the door, otherwise, you can't concentrate on studying.
And when you really must stay in a place with bad Feng Shui, you may move around the furniture or get some Feng Shui-improving items to make it more livable.
Yeah, something like that.
To some people, it is a powerful guideline. They believe in it and do all they can to maximize fortune and minimize whatever brings them bad luck and negativity. They would invite Feng Shui masters to their shops, offices and/or houses to evaluate and make them better. Allegedly, some wealthy and influential people do that to bring more wealth and fortune to their businesses.
To science people like me, this is crazy.
II
Recently, I’ve been looking for a place to stay in my third year at university. Why? Because there was no vacancy for seniors like me. #sad. It was during this period that I had firsthand experience of the "one extra factor to consider" — when choosing a place to stay, that is.
What’s wrong with that? Isn't Feng Shui a useful tool where science fails? If you can follow this metaphysics guideline and find a good place that brings great fortune, that's awesome, isn't it?
But, imagine you found a nice place to live in. It is cozy and cheap, and by all practical and objective metrics, it is the best accommodation to live in. You have no reason to look elsewhere. No reasons except for the Feng Shui that tells you the place is inauspicious.
That would suck, wouldn't it?
That is what happened to me. I checked out a house yesterday. It looked pretty good, and my housemates-to-be felt the same way. But, remember I had a call with Mother the same night? Yeah, my dear mother phoned to tell me that the Feng Shui in my chosen room was not good.
Of course, I felt disturbed. Even though I knew she was saying it with good intentions, I still felt discouraged.
Because I really like that place. Practically, I would most likely still go with that house and the same room anyway. Because all other options are inferior to this. Hence, knowing that this place would be inauspicious was like joining a competition and being told that you were predicted to lose.
You would feel terrible.
When we were about to end the call, I decided to reveal my thoughts. About how I felt bad being told that. Saying that to Mother made me feel even worse since I was kinda rebuking along the lines of
"Practically, I'm gonna choose that room anyway, so isn't it better if I don't know about this?"
"Ignorance is blissssssssssssss!"
"You sent me to school to study science, mom."
I may have come off as emotional and rude. Being that way didn’t feel good. Because I knew she said it with good intentions. If I weren't a child blessed with a good parent, nobody would care whether I had a place to stay. Heck, maybe I won’t even be studying at university. Who’s there to support me financially?
Yeah, be grateful, Thomas.
That's why I'm writing this essay — as a form of self-reflection.
🌱 What I learned
1. Good Feng Shui is not enough.
I thought hard and long about it. Even while editing this essay, I still felt the same way.
While it is true that Feng Shui is a good factor to consider, it is not a standalone determinant of success or failure.
Why?
Because, good Feng Shui is a multiplier, not an addition. I would like to think that you could have the best land in town, the perfect furniture setup, and all the crystal balls you need, but if you don’t put in the effort and hard work, you’re doomed to fail anyway.
As I once wrote, you can have the best unfair advantage in life, be it a music talent or a rich parent, but they all mean nothing without the necessary effort and the desire to make use of them.
After all,
0 multiplies by whatever huge-ass Feng Shui value is still 0.
Guess what? My mom agreed! Because Feng Shui is literally wind (Feng 风) and water (Shui 水) — they are both naturally in motion. Not stagnant. Hence, one must be working for Feng Shui to work.
What about bad Feng Shui?
I thought about it as I wrote this. If you work hard despite the bad Feng Shui, it won’t multiply your hard work and give you greater fortune and luck. It would be neutral. But a bad effort will be multiplied and turned into misfortune.
Okay, that's too much imagination.
2. You can change Feng Shui easily, but not people.
Hanging a "baguajing 八卦镜" (eight-sided Feng Shui mirror, I guess) in your room may improve the Feng Shui. But, no matter how many "baguajing" you throw at a person with bad personality, you can’t change him/her.
I said this because not choosing that house would mean leaving my potentially great housemates and staying somewhere else with possibly bad ones. When that happens, even if my room has a really good Feng Shui, I’m going to be pissed at those terrible people around. And these people won’t easily change no matter how many “baguajing” or crystal balls I throw at them.
What did Mother think about this? She laughed hard and praised my interpretation.
What a great son I am. cough
3. Honesty is key to healthy relationships
This is perhaps the meat of this story.
It's easy to think that “being vulnerable” equals “weak”. And that you should never reveal your weakness to others, or else they would take advantage of you. And you will appear weak and unreliable to others if you show the vulnerable side of you.
I beg to differ.
Vulnerability towards each other is a sign of trust towards each other. It is a key element that makes a relationship stronger and away from one that hides everything from one another. The latter often leads to misunderstandings that could have been avoided.
That's one reason why divorce happens, isn't it?
I digressed.
Sharing my true thoughts and being genuine about my words made the conversation I had with Mother better. It ended positively, as I managed to be honest and talk things out with her.
And we both agreed, in the end, that Feng Shui is a multiplier of success and failure, not a standalone determinant. And that it is alright so long as I put in the effort (and arrange the furniture correctly and hang the baguajing cough).
What an interesting story to tell.
—Thomas
P.S.
I’m now staying in that same room that was said to be inauspicious. Still alive and kicking. Of course, with the “bagua” and other Feng Shui things to ward off misfortune away.
Thanks, mom🍪
🏆 Weekly Gold
Each week, I share something I found interesting with you. It could be a song, a book, a quote, or a YouTube video that blew my mind.
Here’s the gold this week 👇
Credits:
Mother for a chance to reflect and learn.
Cover photo by HungaryCameraClub on Unsplash.
My courage in publishing this even though it feels weird to talk about it.