Did We Misunderstand Networking?
Talking to people doesn't have to be tiring.
📌 I’m taking a two-week break from next week! More on that later.
An hour ago, I came out of a career fair. It turned out that diving straight into doing work after networking with people was a bad idea.
I felt drained out. Doing anything productive was the last thing I wanted. As “a result-driven individual with extensive experience leveraging tech to get things done” (OK, that’s enough CV writing), I asked “Chad Gippity” how to deal with this.
And so I decided to take a walk.
Stepping away from my carrel on the highest floor in the library, I walked towards the exit. Right there, I met eyes with a few juniors from the same course, so we chatted.
They talked about what they were working on (and struggling with). A design project I experienced in my second year. Coursework on sustainability with a deadline a few days after the project. Studying for exams. Applying for internships.
I was surprised.
But not at what we talked about. Even though it was related to "work", I was surprised that it wasn't as energy-draining as networking. Rather, it was refreshing. I came out feeling less exhausted and more ready to get things done.
Moving down some flights of stairs, I walked towards a couch, sat on it, and felt ready to write this story down. Five words in, a wild Pokemon friend appeared.
We talked about internships (again), his final-year project (and how it was failing *cough*), and the photos he hadn’t sent to me since last week (he did today #yay).
A bunch of random things.
Like the conversation with the juniors, it should have been tiring because I was actively using energy — talking, listening, and thinking.
🍃 But I didn’t feel so
At first glance, it’s easy to tell the difference. Talking to people at the career fair is networking. Talking to my juniors and that friend is socializing.
But why is it so easy to tell the difference? What makes them different?
Why does one drain energy while the other replenishes it?
Is networking tiring because you’re actively carrying yourself professionally?
Is socializing relaxing because you don’t have to do that?
What is networking anyway?
🦆 Networking as we misunderstood it
The activity of meeting people who might be useful to know, especially in your job.
Someone once wrote that she hated the term "networking". It sounds as if you only engage with people because you want something from them.
Looking at its definition, I can see what she meant.
But that could be an extreme interpretation. Networking could be as simple as meeting like-minded people. What’s wrong with talking about things you’re both excited about? What’s wrong with helping each other out as a result?
Sure, you might network while expecting to benefit from it. But both sides usually get something out of it, don’t they? A jobseeker gets a connection. A recruiter gets a potentially good applicant.
What’s wrong with a win-win situation?
What is wrong is caring more about the outcome of the connection than the connection itself.
I wonder if this is why people are getting lonelier these days. Growing older, we meet fewer and fewer friends who are as good as back in childhood and adolescence.
As you get closer to adulthood, most relationships you form likely come across as shallower and less genuine.
Talking to each other becomes "networking".
Helping people makes them cautious about your motive.
Slowly, life resembles a rat race where everyone is a rival.
An enemy to beat.
A LinkedIn connection to make.
A stepping stone to get you ahead.
If the goal of networking is to benefit from the connections made, then we would tend to put up the best version of ourselves to increase our chances of forming such connections and benefiting from them.
Even if the best version isn’t what we truly are.
Wearing a mask all the time, it’s no wonder networking can be tiring.
🪴Networking as it should be
Remember Leni from The Sleep-Fun Dilemma?
A few days ago, she talked about Steve Willis, a guy she met over a farewell lunch linked to her final-year project at university.
Steve is cool. A chemist. A chemical engineer. A director of two startups working on tackling the climate crisis. He even recently published a novel — Fairhaven: A Novel of Climate Optimism — which "offers a hopeful glimpse into the future, exploring a world where humanity has come together to tackle the climate crisis".
Cool, indeed.
According to Leni, Steve is an interesting guy doing interesting things for the world, specifically in the field she is also interested in.
In the world of networking, this is gold. It is a good connection to make that could benefit her, be it a job opportunity or some career advice from a veteran.
But, lo and behold, that wasn’t in Leni’s mind.
When “networking” with Steve, it was Steve and his work she was intrigued by.
Not a job opportunity.
Not a LinkedIn connection.
Not what she could gain from knowing Steve.
She was merely engaging with an interesting person doing interesting things she was interested in. She didn’t expect anything from it.
That — my friend — is what I think networking should be.
Networking — as we misunderstood it — tells you to care more about the outcome of a connection than the connection itself.
Networking — as it should be — tells you to care more about the connection itself than its outcome.
Sure, connecting with Steve — even without expecting anything in return — could still benefit Leni in the future.
But the biggest difference lies in the intention.
When you focus on the connection rather than its outcome, it shows in the way you act and speak. It comes across as genuine and interested — rather than inauthentic and desperate — because you are genuinely interested.
I thought about the encounters with my juniors and the Pokemon friend. I didn’t expect anything from talking to (or networking with) them. I doubted they did, too. Hence, neither side came out feeling tired. We felt refreshed and inspired instead.
Just like back in childhood and adolescence.
You most likely didn’t befriend someone to benefit from the friendship.
You most likely didn’t befriend while expecting something in return.
You just want to be friends.
When you focus on the connection rather than its outcome, you can build relationships that go beyond a mere job opportunity.
And you don’t have to worry about where these relationships would take you, and if they would benefit you.
As a three-time Super Bowl winner Bill Walsh once said,
The score takes care of itself.
A genuine, meaningful relationship will naturally benefit both sides.
And it’ll be less tiring and lonely, too.
—Thomas🦦
P.S. A note from the future in July 2025.
👋 Hey, you little stranger
*Exhale* The past few weeks have been tiring. I missed our Thursday deadline by a few hours (ouch).
But I just checked the calendar and we are 10 weeks into 2024! That means Not Alone Club has been active for 10 consecutive weeks this year. That’s crazy!
To celebrate, I am taking a two-week break (so I don’t break *cough*) starting next week! This is my first announced hiatus ever — I previously just disappeared without notice hohoho.
Thank you for joining me on my little navigation through life. No matter what kind of journey you’re on, I hope the stories you read here make it a little better.
See you in two weeks :3
🏆 Weekly gold
Each week, I share something I found interesting with you. It could be a song, a book, a quote, or a video that blew my mind. Here’s the gold this week 👇
One of the songs I used to listen to when getting ready to bed. Picked it back up today. Old, but gold.
🎁 Credits
Cover photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash.
My juniors & that
Pokemonfriend, for chatting with me.Leni, for giving me content to write about.
Steve Willis, for doing what he does.
Slothy, for helping me to structure and validate the idea.
James Clear, for quoting Bill Walsh in Atomic Habits.
Me, for networking and feeling drained out.